Million Snake March hits Washington D.C.

Millions of undocumented boas and pythons descended on the National Mall in Washington D.C. today demanding that Congress afford them the protections that others have received, and to demand that Congress stop the building of a wall between Louisiana and Texas to prevent the snakes further migration westward. Acting as their spokesman Norville T. Bass, President of the American Snakehandlers Association, said, "These snakes have come here and are doing jobs that American snakes by and large don't want, and now with no due process the government wants to stop them from traveling between states. Some of these snakes have family in other states. What happens to them?"

Watching the slithery procession of participants while providing crowd control on foot, Sergeant Eric Witherspoon of the Metro D.C. Police Department offered, "We haven't seen this many snakes since the last time Congress was in session." Asked about the lack of mounted patrols at the event, Witherspoon said, "The horses don't like snakes, and some of the officers aren't too keen either," as a reticulated python slithered across his boots.

Bystanders at the event, Cecil and Trudy Horsfeldii from Rockford Illinois, were caught up by the day, but a little confused as to what was going on. "Is this the Rick Astley flash mob? We were all supposed to meet at 3 pm and go to the Air and Space Museum."

It was difficult to tell just how many of the reptiles packed the Mall, their squirming, writhing mass being difficult to calculate with any accuracy. By dusk, however, the snakes, their representatives, and the media had vanished, leaving cleaning crews to clear D.C.s Mall area of debris that always accompanies an event like this, like cups, signs and thousands of shed skins. But the snakes shall return soon when the Senate convenes again.