A Rejoinder to a Scoundrel

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Posted by Rod on August 29, 1998 at 20:55:35:

In the interest of defending my reputation (such as it is)I'll take this opportunity to respond to certain spurious, not to mention egregious, allegations of bias that have been made against me.
Firstly, just because I feel compelled to clear my throat, as it were, whenever I mention the common name of the West Texas ophidian counterpart of cocaine, does not mean that I'm biased against the species.
Rather, the act serves to open up my sinuses and various other passages in order that I may more clearly articulate my position vis-a-vis certain topics of interest to the, as yet, untainted public. Unlike my
brethern (and I use the term loosely), I take my responsiblities as a member of WTHS seriously. It is not only my job to inform and advise, but also to PROTECT the unwary among us from certain fringe elements.
Second, it is a well-known fact, backed up not by knee-jerk emotion, but by the paleontological record, that certain serpents are indeed evolutionarily disadvantaged. Unfortunately for some, the
serpents I refer to are NOT those equipped with the advanced prey-capture mechanism known as venom. In fact, such snakes are considered to be among the most advanced serpents on the planet (where MY feet
are firmly planted, unlike some OTHER collectors whose heads are in the clouds.)
Thirdly, While it is true that I may have felt envy for individuals who have collected those gray, orange, and black-scaled versions of living methamphetamine, I now simply regard them with pity. Their vice
controls them because they are weak. They are led astray by the dark angel Sceloporus and his minions--hence their cult status. Someday they may eventually see that true salvation lies along the path of solenoglyphs.
As to ease of collection, let us not foolishly compare snakes which may be grasped openly, with the naked hand, to those awe-inspiring animals whose mere hiss causes lesser mortals to shake with fear as they run
screaming in search of bathroom tissue.
It is not my intention to "tear down" anyone's icons (How apt a description!) I simply wish to protect the innocent public from the ravages of the addiction to which so many in this region have succumbed. Yes,
the unsuspecting members of our society need to know that the "bad" snakes are out there, but only so they may never fall under the evil spell of these creatures and waste their assets, deny their families, and fall in with
wanderers who spend their lives scouring the desert for their next "fix."
And lastly, remember: I'm not the one who compared alternas to fish eggs (although I believe the comparison to be a valid one.)

P.S. If you were anything other than a scoundrel, you'd have showed me the "Believer" secret handshake so I can find out where all the GOOD huntin' spots are!

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Crotalus; TASTES just like CHICKEN( and Alterna~!) Dorothy 10/15/99 (0)

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: In the interest of defending my reputation (such as it is)I'll take this opportunity to respond to certain spurious, not to mention egregious, allegations of bias that have been made against me. : Firstly, just because I feel compelled to clear my throat, as it were, whenever I mention the common name of the West Texas ophidian counterpart of cocaine, does not mean that I'm biased against the species. : Rather, the act serves to open up my sinuses and various other passages in order that I may more clearly articulate my position vis-a-vis certain topics of interest to the, as yet, untainted public. Unlike my : brethern (and I use the term loosely), I take my responsiblities as a member of WTHS seriously. It is not only my job to inform and advise, but also to PROTECT the unwary among us from certain fringe elements. : Second, it is a well-known fact, backed up not by knee-jerk emotion, but by the paleontological record, that certain serpents are indeed evolutionarily disadvantaged. Unfortunately for some, the : serpents I refer to are NOT those equipped with the advanced prey-capture mechanism known as venom. In fact, such snakes are considered to be among the most advanced serpents on the planet (where MY feet : are firmly planted, unlike some OTHER collectors whose heads are in the clouds.) : Thirdly, While it is true that I may have felt envy for individuals who have collected those gray, orange, and black-scaled versions of living methamphetamine, I now simply regard them with pity. Their vice : controls them because they are weak. They are led astray by the dark angel Sceloporus and his minions--hence their cult status. Someday they may eventually see that true salvation lies along the path of solenoglyphs. : As to ease of collection, let us not foolishly compare snakes which may be grasped openly, with the naked hand, to those awe-inspiring animals whose mere hiss causes lesser mortals to shake with fear as they run : screaming in search of bathroom tissue. : It is not my intention to "tear down" anyone's icons (How apt a description!) I simply wish to protect the innocent public from the ravages of the addiction to which so many in this region have succumbed. Yes, : the unsuspecting members of our society need to know that the "bad" snakes are out there, but only so they may never fall under the evil spell of these creatures and waste their assets, deny their families, and fall in with : wanderers who spend their lives scouring the desert for their next "fix." : And lastly, remember: I'm not the one who compared alternas to fish eggs (although I believe the comparison to be a valid one.) : P.S. If you were anything other than a scoundrel, you'd have showed me the "Believer" secret handshake so I can find out where all the GOOD huntin' spots are!

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